Admitting that I’m still waiting for a happy ending

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Photos: Shutterstock
Photos: Shutterstock

Babies are not really for the faint-hearted are they?

I’ve been thinking this as I rock Isaac to sleep for his morning nap, knowing he will probably be awake and crying again the moment I start getting stuck into the laundry or getting morning tea for Joachim who is home sick from preschool.

I always hesitate to complain about aspects of life with a baby, knowing that so many people would dearly love to be in my place – either waiting with excitement for their own baby, or somehow unable or not in a position to have a baby.

But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t mention how tough it can be, or gloss over the fact that we’ve been struggling day and night for the past few months with this baby, or with life in general.

We don’t have any major problems; he is a healthy and happy little boy, and the darling of the whole family.

We’re well supported, with practical and moral support, from our family and friends.

We know we are blessed!

But we are also too tired. His needs don’t really mesh well with the rest of the family’s needs and schedules. Peter and I have got by on ridiculously little sleep for months. We’re run down and getting sick, and other aspects of our lives have gone begging for attention.

I’ve been waiting until a happy ending before writing about this particular struggle, but I think it’s still a way off. It’s very hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel even while we know it is there.

It seems a little bit sad to feel that we’re just surviving through the first year of his life, rather than fully enjoying it. But I think, especially at times like these, it is the lovely moments that are important, and we can immerse ourselves in them.

Every moment exists in God, and we do cherish the many happy hours with which we fill our days with these little ones.

There is so much to enjoy.

I know that while it’s been hard we’ve had some of the most wonderful times in our lives as well over the past year, and I think I am even more attuned to the joyful moments because I want to make sure it is them which I remember best and take with me into eternity.