Wife, then widow – a mother called Sister

Sydney
24 March 2002

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Wife, then widow – a mother called Sister

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Wife, then widow – a mother called Sister

Sr Frances Stibi ... mother, mother in law and Sister

By Marilyn Kerjean

Her daughter’s husband loves seeing people’s disbelief when he tells them for the first time what his mother in law does.

She is a nun; and although Sr Frances Stibi, 64, loves her life as a Presentation Sister, she says being a mum as well has its challenges.

She found it helpful to link up with an internet chat group called Sister Moms – Catholic religious women who had been widowed or had their marriages annulled and who wanted to keep in touch with others in the same boat.

Sr Frances is investigating the level of interest in starting a similar support group in Australia, where she knows of eight religious women who were married before and believes there are probably as many again.

Although it would be a very small group, “just the thought that there are other people around helps”, she says.

Sr Frances first felt drawn to religious life when her children, two daughters and a son, were still young.

When she joined the Presentation Sisters in 1989 as a postulant, she had been a widow for more than 20 years and her children were adults.

“I suppose I was slowly developing my relationship with God,” she says.

“I seemed to be drawn towards God in this way, more deeply, by being totally dedicated – although you can never be totally dedicated in the same way as someone without a child.

“Even if they’re grown up, your children have a call on you too.

“And you’ll always be their mother.”

Sr Frances says that belonging to an apostolic teaching order, rather than an enclosed one, has made it easier for her to be there for her children if they need her. But she knows from her internet pals that this is not possible in every order.

Another theme on the chat site is the trouble some women have adjusting to a structured lifestyle in a religious community when they have been the lone breadwinners, decision-makers and disciplinarians for years.

Sr Frances struggles with trying not to talk about her children as much as she would like.

“But with other mothers you go hell for leather,” she says.

It is the exception, but religious who have been married before have precedents numbered among the stars of the Church.

For example, the founders of the Sisters of Charity and Daughters of Charity – St Elizabeth Seton and St Louise de Marillac respectively – were mothers and widows when they entered religious life.

Sr Frances is the archivist for the Perth archdiocese. She will be in Sydney in August for a conference and will be free to meet anyone interested in forming a group on the weekend of August 10–11. Telephone: (08) 9223 1358 (w) Fax: (08) 9221 1716 or email: odlstibi@hotmail.com.