Centacare calms the anger in men

Sydney
10 March 2002

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Centacare calms the anger in men

As the role of women has changed in our society, so too have expectations of men. But only recently have groups assisting men begun to proliferate and now some are getting federal funding. Chris Hook reports

It’s not people who are violent but “people who are worried they might become violent or have family members who are afraid of them”. That’s how Dr Mark Byrne (pictured) describes anger management, Centacare’s latest assistance program for men.

“Some of them just think they’ve always had a problem with anger and want to work it out,” he says, “and others think they’re in some situation they don’t know how to resolve, whether it’s a relationship thing or work, or whatever stress.

“And anger’s how they release it, and they worry that it’s going to get violent.

“So mostly with anger management it’s not people who are violent but people who are worried they might become violent or have family members who are afraid of them.”

Dr Byrne says that despite massive shifts in gender roles, relationship expectation and the nature of marriage, attention has only recently been paid to the toll taken on men and on ways to address it.

In 1998, the Federal Government launched its Men and Family Relationships initiative, allocating $18 million over four years for pilot services specifically targeted to men’s needs in a range of relationship and parenting issues – the first to recognise the particular needs of men in relationship issues.

Centacare Sydney runs three programs for men with the assistance of the Government scheme: one devoted to parenting skills, one to helping men cope with separation and divorce and the third – and most recent – a course in anger management.

“We got a lot of calls from men and welfare workers asking if we do anger management, and we’d say ‘no we don’t’, but have nowhere to refer them to,” says Dr Byrne, who is the co-ordinator of Centacare’s men’s programs.

“It’s as though everybody’s got it into their head that there’s this thing called anger management, but nobody in Sydney seems to be running it, so we thought we’d better do it.”

He said the Family Court referred some men to the course, but others just rang “out of the blue”.

The course runs for 10 hours – 2½ hours on four evenings.

When men perceive a problem, Dr Byrne says, they want to fix it quickly and efficiently.

But the trade-off for speed is that the aims of the course are somewhat limited.

“We try to introduce them to basic techniques they can use to make some space between whatever triggers their anger and what their response is,” he says, “because between those two things they’ve got feelings, and they’ve got thoughts, and often that process is really quick.

“So we give them some basic techniques to make that space a bit bigger and also, if there are deeper issues relating to their family of origin, to just point them in a direction where they can go and talk about that with other people.”

The course begins with an explanation of anger and progresses to recognition of triggers and responses. Participants are asked to fill in an anger diary canvassing physical and emotional reactions to anger, and alternative responses. The final session of the course is devoted to helping participants take control and make necessary changes in their lives.

“We try to get them to focus on the kinds of things they really want in their lives, and the sort of values that are important to them, and how they can take steps towards realising those,” Dr Byrne explains.

Even by just being in the group and discussing issues with other men, participants make progress.

“We know that by the end of the group they’ll have started to relate to other men in a way they probably haven’t before, because they’re not used to talking in emotional terms and disclosing very personal things to other men about themselves,” says Dr Byrne.

He says expectations around masculinity are in a sense much greater, with men expected to play an equal role in bringing up the kids, to be interested in the little things like changing nappies.

“But on the other hand, the whole idea of what a man is has become a lot more fuzzy,” he says.

“And a lot of guys just don’t have any sense of themselves or their value as a man.”

The Centacare programs deal more with the symptoms of these shifts, he says.

“Because we rely primarily on funding, we have to go with what issues are up there on the public agenda,” he adds.

“So something like divorce and separation is a big issue – anger, domestic violence, same deal.

“Even parenting courses came about as a response to concerns about child protection. They wanted fathers to be better prepared for their responsibilities. So it’s all very symptomatic.”

Federal funding finishes this year and Dr Byrne is hoping for further support in a new round.

He sees such work growing and expanding over the next five to 10 years.

Men’s groups are proliferating across Sydney, but it’s the drum-beating weekend attempts to capture the warrior within that dominate magazine columns.

Other groups are far less dramatic.

They simply provide a forum for discussion for men who are challenged and confused by life changes, such as divorce and separation, or simply by shifting expectation.

For example, the Older Men New Ideas (OMNI) group, is a networking organisation for men 55 years and older. There are now 39 groups across Sydney.